10 Reasons to Grow Up Before You Show Up at L&D

There is no doubt that teenage pregnancy is a problem in the US. Kids as young as 11 and 12 knocked up by a guy they thought they would be with forever. Let’s face it. A small percentage of couples have been together since they were preteens. The mere thought of my past relationships makes me cringe, and I would cry if I had to be with one of them douchebags “for the rest of my life”. While teenage pregnancy is being glamorized on television and magazines, millions of grandmas are stepping in to take care of their daughter’s daughter (or son). If you’re new to my blog, you’re probably thinking to yourself – “That’s a harsh statement. You don’t know what those young girls are going through. You have no right to judge them. Walk a mile in their shoes.”

I have.

That’s me in all of my pregnant glory………at 18. Why couldn’t I get knocked up at 17 or 20 so I’d know for sure if I’m classified as a teen mom or not. You’re a legal adult once you turn 18, so I was never too fond of being called a teen mom.

Why can’t I just be called mom?

Anyhoo, I know all too well of the trials and triumphs of being a young and pregnant. If you are in your teens and are considering persuading your future ex-boyfriend to procreate, DON’T. Trust me. Babies are awesome, but so is living your teenage and young adult life.

 

  1. Do you feel comfortable picking someone else’s boogers? Will you get grossed out at another person’s fecal matter touching your hand? It will happen. A lot.


  2. Unfortunately, according to numerous statistics and what I have witnessed first hand, you will be in this alone. The dude you thought was the love of your life is nothing more than a scaredy cat unable to own up to his part of Y’ALLS child. It takes two to tango and to conceive a baby.


  3. Those friends you hangout with all the time? Expect them to drop like flies. It’s okay, though. You don’t need fairweather friends. The ones that stick around – cherish them. However, if you’re like me, they have kid(s) too.

  4. Are you okay with the harsh glares and awkward stares? Does that bother you? If not, proceed with caution.

  5. Babies are more expensive than a crappy McDonald’s job can afford. Graduate from medical or law school before you have children. Or marry someone who did. Either works.

  6. Be prepared to have every parenting decision you make scrutinized and criticized via in person, over the phone and by people on the internet who don’t even know you. You thought trash talking about how ugly your hairstyle is was unacceptable? That is kid stuff. Oh…wait…

    ..
  7. Unless you’re one of the nonexistent lucky gals that bounces back right after giving birth, you’re going to be in for a rollercoaster concerning your weight. 2 1/2 years later…and I am STILL not where I was before I had my daughter. You want to know what that does to your self-esteem? Going from a size 2 to a size 7? It crushes it…you know…like that boy did to your heart once he found out he was going to be a daddy!

  8. A set of eyes will be watching you pee. Solo bathroom trips = mini vacations.

  9. Oh, you want the new Louis Vuitton hang bag? TOO BAD. BABY NEEDS DIAPERS...
  10.  Your heart will be walking outside of your body. A love between mother and child is incomparable. You will never stop worrying about your baby. You will have many jobs including nurse, taxi, chef, maid and police. Your days might be longer, your days might be shorter, your eyes may baggier. One word of advice for ALL parents, regardless of age –

    This, too, shall pass.



Comments

  1. Rebecca says

    You have to give credit to the good guys though, I got pregnant at 17 had the baby at 18. My now finance was there through everything and he will be forever. So are my friends, and most of the (all over 18) haven’t even had a boyfriend. So please don’t bash every guy out there.

    • amberfaith says

      I realize that there are some guys out there that stay with their pregnant girlfriends. However, it is rare and didn’t happen to me.

  2. says

    I’ve always been a strong believer in learning to take care of yourself before taking care of kids. Haha…however, my impulsiveness led 2 dogs and they’re my “babies” and I couldn’t be happier. Thank you for posting and sharing the news on such a sensitive topic. All the best!
    Whirlwind of Surprises

  3. Danialle says

    My then boyfriend, now husband and I had a bit of a different situation. We got pregnant when I was 18, & he was 22. We were actually not trying / not preventing lol. We were both prepared to be parents and we love him with all of our hearts, and we’re still very much in love with each other. But 1 thing I didn’t consider then that I now regret not thinking about: Time alone with my husband. We didn’t get very much time with it being just the 2 of us. I wish that we had spent a few years longer together before adding our little addition to the family. Cause now we have to wait until all of our kids have grown up and moved out to have that special alone time again.

    • amberfaith says

      Of course, there are exceptions. Some men have what it takes to me a daddy, no matter their age. Some don’t. I wish you two a happy marriage.

  4. Pauline M says

    Had my first at 35…. why, because I absolutely refused to become a teenage mom. I’ve seen first hand what happens (and in a state that promotes this is awful!) I was able to travel, finish college and establish myself before having kids which is the way to go. I could actually afford to handle it myself and trust me, I live at both sides of the coin. I’m also in the “grandma” role (without being the grandma)… I also have custody of my niece as a result of a “teenage mishap” so I can speak from both sides of the coin. It’s reality, not a reality show that happens and it’s not easy.

    • Courtney says

      I know you probably didn’t mean it to come off badly, but (I don’t know if I’m the only one who thinks this) when you say “as a result of a ‘teenage mishap'” it makes me think that you’re saying that your niece is a mistake.. You probably don’t think that but yeah.
      On a different note: my mom was a teen mom and I have to say (at least from what I’ve seen) the boyfriends do tend to leave or take longer to mature. My dad was not ready to be a dad at 18 and it led to a world of hurt. My mom is the best mother anyone could ask for though. She, just like many other teen moms, has sacrificed so much for me. I’m not saying getting pregnant young is a good thing. But, when it does happen and the mother and/or father takes responsibility and raises the child and is there or him or her, I have a lot of respect for them because they’re doing what a lot of people can’t

  5. Rebecca says

    We are kind enough not to speak publicly ill of you; I expect the same in return. Please keep Isabella as your first priority and realize that picking fights with us does nothing to help her. In fact, in the future, she will be very upset by it. It is time to start the positive thinking now. She is reaching the age where she will begin to form long term memories. I don’t want to remember us fighting. Please.
    With respect,
    Isabella’s future stepmom

    • Amber Faith says

      SERIOUSLY?! Jesus christ Rebecca, you must think I was born yesterday. Jace is far from kind to me. Your fiance just got through getting on to me about “snooping on him” via Facebook, but you’re going to sit here and comment on MY blog. This post wasn’t even towards him directly. It was towards all of the teen moms who think having a baby

      Also, don’t you dare bring up my child to put me in an ill light. You are not her mother. You see her 2-3 times a year. Who’s there the rest of the time kissing booboos and wiping away tears? It sure isn’t you.

      Sincerely,
      Isabella’s only mom

      • Rebecca says

        I an not criticizing your parenting skills. We ALL love her. I don’t to fight with you. I just want her to be happy. I see her as often as you let us. I would see her every single day if I could, you know that. She is an angel. I am trying to make this as easy as possible for all of us. I am tired of feelings being hurt, and I only want to save her from all of this. I know you feel the same way. I sincerely wasn’t trying to hurt you, and I apologize for doing so.

        • Amber Faith says

          This post was to warn teenage girls about the cons of having a baby at a young age. It was not to crap all over Jace. At all. Unfortunately, one of the biggest cons is that the majority of teen/young dads often leave their pregnant girlfriends high and dry. It’s nothing new. What I posted is common knowledge accompanied by my own experience.

          To be honest, I would want Isabella to read this so she doesn’t make the same mistake that I did. Not calling her a mistake. But getting pregnant at a young age is not ideal. I love her dearly, and I’m blessed that she is in my life.

          • Rebecca says

            As am i. I love your daughter more than anything else in my life. Please know that. I really didn’t want to hurt you. I was only offended at the implication that he left you because you were pregnant. That had little to nothing to do with it. There are many elements in any split, and it just so happens that I was an element in yours. He does love his child with all heart. I have never seen him so happy as when she looks at him and says, “dada.” Or any time she is near, really. She is his whole world. He would do anything for her. He works at night now, but the last two weeks with her, he had hardly slept at all, just so he can be with her. It is a blessing to witness. She is blessing on everyones life, mine included. I didn’t know how much I could love until the day I saw her, and she isn’t even my child. You are more blessed than any of us; you see her every day. You get to kiss her and comfort her everyday. You get to stay up at night and rock her to sleep. You are the one who takes care of her when she is sick, treats her wounds, and loves her like there is no tomorrow. I don’t doubt that for a second. You are her mother. You always will be. I could, and would never try to replace you. Just know that I love her very much, and I am blessed by this beautiful creature that you worked so hard to bring into the world. I could never thank you enough for that. And in loving her, there is some love for you as well, because you are her mom, and you are responsible for the day to day care of a child that has become the most important thing in the life of a woman who never dreamed she would get to have a part in the life of a little girl as wonderful as she. She is polite and well mannered, kind and thoughtful. And so, so creative. Her little voice is so beautiful. I cry sometimes when I think of how quickly she is growing up. Isabella is a wonderful, beautiful little girl, and you are a major part in that. I have said several times, and will say again, that I am glad that she has you for a mom. I don’t want to fight anymore. I love Isabella, and I love Jace, and I just want everyone to be happy.

  6. says

    I was definitely one of those teenage moms. I met my first boyfriend when I had just turned 16, and he was 23. I thought I was so lucky because a 23 year old guy wanted to be with me. Instant popularity! But, I was the ultimate stereotype, I was 16, it was my first time, and the condom broke. I found out 2 weeks later in the bathroom (TMI I know). By then, I was already pregnant. I got very sick at about 27 weeks in with Toxemia & Pre-Eclampsia and ended up giving birth a month early to a 5lb baby who luckily was healthy enough to go home with me. His father had to leave the night I gave birth because “he was tired” so it was my mom who sat with me until 3am because they thought he had a heart murmer.

    He cheated numerous times, I got pregnant again (lovely switches in birth control due to issues I was having with the one I was on) and baby #2 came 18 months and 2 weeks after baby #1. Then, I found out that baby daddy was a child molester. I won’t go into details, but suffice it to say that he could have gone to jail for even being with me, and I have full custody of our boys because he is only allowed supervision due to the fact that they are boys, not girls.

    Now, he very rarely sees them, he moves closer to them, then moves away after a few months, and getting him to pay the $96 he is court ordered to pay (which equals out to $48 per kid for a 12 & almost 14 year old) is a struggle. He now wants me to stop the court ordered support so that he can just pay me directly. Apparently he thinks I was born yesterday.

    I am however, very lucky, to have married a man who treats my kids like they are his own. It has never been “this is my wife and step-sons” even before #3 came along. My sons call him Daddy and their father by his first name. If it wasn’t for the fact that their father’s mother told them if they change their last names or let my husband adopt them, she will not acknowledge their existence, they would have already done so. I used to watch the talk shows where they would have the 12 & 13 year old girls who wanted to be a mommy and wish I was there to let them spend some time with my kids. I was lucky to have a mother who took FMLA for my last month of high school to ensure I graduated, and who has always been there when I needed her.

    PS – I thought the article was very well written and I loved it! You can tell you love your daughter, no matter what happened to create her 🙂

  7. says

    Amazing blog post! I am complete blog lurker and have only commented on one other blog in over three years. Your post touched me and filled me with so many memories. See, I was you 23 years ago. My ‘lifesaver baby’ came bounding into the world June of ’88 just one year and a week after I graduated high school (thankfully). I have never referred to him as a mistake, the only mistake would have been marrying his father. We have been able to parent far more effectively apart than we EVER could have together. I had to grow up quickly and thankfully had a family that was supportive and active in my life, I couldn’t have done it without them. Well, I probably could have but it would have been much, much harder.
    My ‘baby boy’ is now 25. I met my husband when he was just 5 months old and he has always been his ‘go to’ dad. Funny, he isn’t the kind of guy I would have picked before I had my boy and my priorities changed and I no longer had the ‘me’ focus. Anyway, I’m here to tell you, I admire you candidness and to let you know you have embarked on an amazing and rewarding career in mommyhood! I’m sure you already know this but be aware it passes far too quickly to worry about what others think. Here’s one for you. I was so concerned about people looking down on me for not being married that I bought one of those zirconia wedding sets to wear. Ironically, my three subsequent pregnancies with my husband I couldn’t even wear my wedding rings .
    Anyway, I am now following you on Pinterest and am adding your blog to my go to reading. Keep up the amazing work and cherish your ‘mini vacations’ of bathroom trips, all too soon, you have plenty of bathroom time; but not during the preteen and teenaged girl years. 😉

  8. Katie says

    This was awesome to read! I too had my first at 18, he is about to turn 9 very soon. I liked your no bs way of telling young girls how it is. I honestly didn’t want to have a kid, but he did and I was “soo in love” that I said ok, let’s do it! When I told him I was pregnant, he RAN faster than my mascara. Babies are an amazing gift, but pregnancy is not fun. I was 18 and covered in stretch marks, leaky boobs, and raising my child alone. I’d love to re-post this with your permission 🙂 BTW I do tell my children how much I love them daily, but they are so busy with sports and dance that they will hopefully not end up with a kid until after they are old enough to understand the true meaning of commitment.

    • Amber Faith says

      Thanks for your comment! I love my daughter, but I would be lying if I said it wasn’t difficult. Of course you can repost. 🙂

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